Signs of an Affair

couple kissing index 150x150 Signs of an Affair

Signs of an Affair


It is an uncanny, creepy feeling in which your intuition tells you something is wrong or maybe you have direct evidence.  It’s not really that difficult to notice even the subtle signs of an affair all around you.

Look out for these signs of an affair in your spouse which cry out aloud that he or she is having an affair or is very close to starting one.

Remember that the first signs of a cheating spouse or of one who about to cheat are so subtle, you really have to focus closely or they can be easily overlooked.

 Affair Signs in Detail:

  • Spends less time in general with the family

Probably one the first signs of a cheating spouse is that they start spending less time with you and the family. You are missing all the camaraderie, idle chatter, comic banter, small talk, and insightful conversations- all of which your spouse used to be an integral part of.

  • Focuses more on themselves

In addition, you notice that their dinner conversation becomes more focused on them and less on you and your children.  This is sometimes overlooked but is one of the more prominent signs of an affair.

  • Is busier on the weekends and has a lot of activities where you are not included

Your spouse spends more weekends outside the home. This is yet another troubling sign of a cheating spouse.  Each time the reason is different and suddenly you notice more of your mate’s friends, family and co-workers have important exclusive events that only he or she can attend.

In most marriages, the enjoyment of unique family experiences together usually only occurs Friday afternoon through Sunday evening.  Often your spouse was the one who used to take the initiative, make plans and get you motivated to do fun, exciting things. Now he or she always seems to be busy each weekend.  This is probably one of the most common signs of an affair.

  • Gets unusually busy with work

 Suddenly they become so busy or overburdened with work that they arrive invariably late for dinner, family functions and important social events.

He or she always was a “family man or woman” first, yet now they seem to put work before family now. The career is now an all-consuming passion for them and suddenly he or she has to attend late evening meetings or all weekend long conferences usually in another town. Remember that most work spouse affairs begin subtly.

A first sign of an emotional affair (which could lead to a physical one) is that the talk more about a special co-worker they work closely with on important endeavors.

Another strong indication of an affair or at least a precursor to one is that they are always in the midst of an important discussion when you call to talk to them at work.

In fact, they are so preoccupied that they consistently forget to call back.

  • Is physically there, but mentally is somewhere else.

Another sign of an affair is that he or she looks distracted or uninterested at home during family time.  Formerly they used to be part of the comic banter and small talk at the dinner table. But, now they sit there with their mind elsewhere and seem to always be in a hurry to finish their meal.

They lend only half-an-ear to what you are saying most of the time. They often nod absentmindedly to whatever you say.

It is indeed frustrating to feel that your spouse has much better things on his or her mind than you.

This is also a very powerful sign of an affair or certainly a higher propensity that he or she is about to engage in one.

  • Becomes absent minded about important things:

He or she forgets even the most important of occasions.  Always ever particular about being part of family get togethers, your formerly ideal family man or woman is now so forgetful that they hardly remember your wedding day.

This is perhaps the most important sign of an affair.  For you it is literally a crime worthy of punishment but for them it is just sheer absentmindedness, or so they claim.

  • On guard all the time

They look and act wary when you inquire about their whereabouts or work schedule.

Normally he or she is excited or finds it useful to discuss the day’s events with you. Now each time you question your spouse as to how their day went, they become quite guarded and either change the subject or are too busy to get into details.

In fact, any kind of suspicious attitude on their part to simple every day questions just point to further signs of an affair. 

  • Avoids common friends

Another important sign of an affair is that formerly, it used to be fun to hang out with your mutual buddies.  Now suddenly you both rarely seem to attend parties, events and shows with your friends, families or co-workers.  A clear sign of cheating in a relationship is when one partner loses interest in not just spending time with you, but even your mutual friends.

  • Separate phone bills

Suddenly your spouse seems to need a separate phone plan and bill for company reasons.  You have to ask yourself if that is really a valid request or not.  Usually it is another sign of a cheating spouse.

  • Deleting caller-ids, texts and emails

You are used to using your partner’s phone or picking up their calls if they are occupied. Suddenly he or she flies off his handle if you answer or even touch their phone.

Even if you do so, you always find a nearly empty call history. Is your spouse deleting their caller id info to prevent you from tracking those calls and if so, why all the secrecy?

More likely this is one of the clear signs of an affair if suddenly it seems he or she has a lot to hide from you.

Remember that cheating spouses are often careful to not leave a trail of their communication so texts, emails and caller ID info is usually deleted right away.

  • Sudden radical changes in hobbies, tastes, interests and values

A really important sign of cheating in a relationship is that your spouse starts having different tastes, hobbies and interests many of which conflict with their values.  An example would be if your partner vehemently opposed gay marriage and now suddenly they want to attend a gay marriage rights rally with a new “friend”.

Or if you notice they’re watching tennis matches even though you know for a fact that they always disliked tennis and thought it was boring.  Again sometimes the first signs of a cheating spouse are so subtle you almost don’t even notice.

And surely while tastes and interests do change over time you should be concerned if you see a lot of unusual changes in a short period of time.


There are other signs of cheating in a relationship we have not covered here.  The bottom line is you have to ask yourself:  Do you feel your head going round and round trying to determine if these really are signs of an emotional affair? Are you losing sleep at night trying to figure out what the heck is going on?

Different studies indicate that anywhere from 50-90% of the spouses who suspected their partner was having an affair were correct.  In all cases, they had no direct evidence, just small indications and other signs of cheating in a relationship that kept growing with time.

While it’s sometimes tough to figure out what is valid indicator or not, do not fear, we have some resources below you can use to give you better insight into seeing the signs of an affair.  Some of these materials also include what steps to take to do something about it before it is too late. Please also see our home page for more content and information.

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